If Your Bra Could Talk…

If Your Bra Could Talk…

If your bra could talk, do you know what she would tell you?

For a long time now, I’ve fantasized about having a ventriloquism act that included talking breasts or a talking pink bra. It seems that with the success of those TV spots starring crash-test dummies who talk and inspire us to wear our seat belts, maybe a talking bra could help reduce our fear of breast cancer, educate us, and inspire us to get annual mammograms.

Don’t you think so?

I think that when a young girl gets her first bra, it might say to her: “Welcome to womanhood. Please take care of the new breasts in here. They are growing and maturing and need special attention at times. Your breasts will go through changes in the coming years as they grow, so don’t be alarmed if you have funny aches and pains and lumps and bumps — they are responses to hormonal changes.”

“Oh, by the way, don’t wash me with the regular laundry, or I won’t last very long! And could you get matching panties for us to wear?”

The bra of a young woman might declare: “Hey … you keep forgetting to do your breast self-exam! Remember, a few days after your menstrual period ends is the time to do it. Look for a change from last month to this month. If you find a change, report it to your doctor. Take me and the breasts I’m holding to the doctor for an annual clinical breast exam, too.

“And after we’re done, schedule next year’s appointment so that it’s already in your busy calendar. Starting at age 40, take me for an annual mammogram, please! I want the breasts in here to stay healthy.”

Now the bra of a mature woman would tell her: “Though your breasts have changed and may droop a bit when I’m not here to keep them in place, they still need to be valued — and checked. So please keep up the habits you learned long ago. After all, the incidence of breast cancer increases with age. I’m proud of the wonderful job your breasts have done for you over your lifetime: nursing your children; giving you confidence as a woman. Thanks for keeping me around, too.

“And remember, I still like matching panties.”

(Lillie D. Shockney, R.N., B.S., M.A.S.)